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  • Writer's pictureRavi Rajani

3 Habits that make people like you less

Picture this...


It's 9:18pm on a Friday night.


You're dressed as if you're ready for the Oscars...


Yet feel like curling up on the sofa and eating your body weight in pizza.


But you need to snap out of it.


Tonight is Natasha's birthday party.


And as her best friend, you must show up with a fake smile, a bottle of wine and a bucket load of small talk.


Fast forward to a 16-minute Uber journey, a 3-minute walk in the torrential rain and you've officially made it (looking like a drowned rat).


Being the good friend you are, you turn up the charm, snap outta your funk and begin to work the room.


Lo and behold...


You've locked eyes with Jamie Duggan.


Jamie is Natasha's long-lost (and annoying) childhood friend.


"Hey, I thought I'd see you here... you've never said no to free food, hahahahaha!" says Jamie.


Eurgh, and so it begins...


In the next 23 minutes, Jamie engages in 3 habits that make him instantly less likeable.


In today's newsletter, we're going to uncover what they are, so you don't embody them in business or life.


Let's get it!


Mistake #1 - Trying to be "interesting"


Jamie is feeling nervous.


As a result, he spends the entire conversation talking about himself.


He believes that if he makes himself "interesting" in the eyes of the person he's trying to connect with, then this will increase his likability stock.


Incorrect.


The goal is to focus on being "interested" in the person opposite us.


When done right, we become "interesting' by default.


How do we do this?


By asking genuine, thoughtful and intentional questions.


For example:​"... last time we spoke, you mentioned how excited you were about landing a leadership role at your company! How has the transition from being an analyst to leading your own team treated you?"


Intentional - check.


Thoughtful - check.


Genuine - check.


Remember, be "interested" to become "interesting".


Mistake #2 - Consistently Interrupting Somebody


Jamie forgets that people want to be seen, heard and understood.


As a result, he consistently interrupts you during your conversation.


This is a one-way ticket to disconnection.


Now this may seem simple to avoid in theory...


But in practice, it can be easy to:

  1. Finish people's sentences

  2. Interject with your perspective

  3. Consistently start your sentence just before they've finished theirs

Sit back, be present and leave a few seconds after they've finished their final sentence.


And if you do notice yourself interrupting somebody... apologise!


For example:​"Sally, thank you for your patience with me interrupting you constantly. I'm sorry, I get overly excited and nervous at networking events!"


The beauty in saying something like this lies in its vulnerability.


When done correctly and contextually, vulnerability is where true connection lies.


Mistake #3 -Leading With Negativity


Jamie wants to build rapport and he wants to do it fast.


As a result, he tries to find common ground to spark a meaningful conversation.


"Hey, you see that dude over there... what is he wearing!? Did he not realise that this wasn't a fancy dress party?"


Jamie's words instantly tell a negative story about him.


Instead of trying to build a conversation from a place of negativity...


Focus on building a conversation from a place of positivity.


This is what makes you truly memorable (and for the right reasons).


This can be done by observing uplifting things, moments and people in the environment, calling them out and identifying shared values in the conversation.


All in all...

At your next networking event, gathering or party...


Stay "interested" in the person in front of you.


Be present in your conversations.


And exude positive energy.


Until next time...


Much love!


Ravi

P.S. Whenever you're ready, here is 1 way I can support you:

1. [B2B SALES TEAMS & ORGANIZATIONS ONLY] Book me for a storytelling keynote or workshop: Whether it's in person or virtual, to an intimate audience or a room full of thousands, learn more about how your audience can become influential storytellers at your next sales kickoff, offsite or conference.

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